Since this
has been going on with me (mysticism) for 30 years one becomes familiar with the
territory. I have had many conservations over the years with priests, Bishops,
a couple of Cardinals, psychologists, psychiatrists and other people who have a
deep prayer life. Although I am not a student of psychology, I am fascinated with
the human brain and its capacities (still mostly unknown).
Now when I
speak this way to some laity, they will react with “it is all from God it is a miracle”,
why do you question it or bring science into it… because in addition to having
a “spiritual life” I also have critical thinking (some would call it discernment),
this is not taken away from a mystic, (it might even be heightened in the mystic)
if it is not I would question the truth
of that mystic (as in is it coming from a higher source, God, or coming from
self)… As long as we are on this plane of existence taking custody of one’s
thinking is essential in all areas of life, but most importantly in areas of
deep spirituality … or you can lapse into magical thinking or prideful thinking.
Any one past or present labeled mystic or saint or sinner … same God made them
all …same God gave them all grace, but what makes one response to grace and
another not???? Or even turn away from grace???
I have
spoken to doctors, about my fasting as
well in the past … extreme fasting one might say, one being for 30 months only eating
on Sundays, another time for 13 months only eating Sunday. Another time 4
months only eating on Sunday. I did lose weight during these times of fasting, but then my weight would stabilize and I would
lose no more (I never looked sickly or to thin) … and most
doctors wanted to take blood work, see if I had muscle density loss, MRI’s to
see if I did any internal organ damage from the fasting . I would allow physical
exams, but not the MRI stuff and I also had blood work done, all tests were always
within “normal range” …
Fasting
heightens your awareness to things in the world, it elevates your
consciousness, where without fasting you think local or familiar, with fasting your
thinking is more global … you have mental pictures of those who are poor,
suffering, hungry .. your prayer life is deepened and praying seems to be more
from the “heart” as if the prayer is more of a “plea to God”… such as help this
person they so need you and that type of prayer sees fast results … and you
love people more when you fast (I mean seriously fasting) … I think a “super
charged soul” how is that for a play on the word “mystic” … that soul first
falls deeply in love with God, that soul cannot imagine life without God
anymore and it longs to return to God (that I think is grace) and then that
same soul falls in love with God’s people (it really does) prayer for the stranger
is the same as that for a loved one, it really is and it is coming right from the
heart … just looking and talking to another person brings the “mystic” joy, for they see in that person the face of God
and it makes them happy …
“Serious
Fasting” can also suspend a natural occurrence, I have seen it happen, I have asked
in prayer for it to happen and it did. Truly there is nothing more powerful on
this planet than prayer, fasting and faith (serious prayer, fasting and faith)
Yet there
are also things labeled “supernatural in the past” that just might not be …
such as “seeing words in color” when someone speaks. There have been people made saints centuries ago
in the church, who had that trait, and because of their limited knowledge, the church
did not understand, this could be a genetic issue not a supernatural one …
I have
seen words in color (my case golden in color when a priest reads from the
Gospel) some say “grace” I say, maybe not (because of my analytical mind) I think, do
I just have a form of synesthesia??? … https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synesthesia
Yet then
my analytical mind will also think … but I only see this phenomena when a priest
reads from the Gospel and there is no variation in color … the words are always
“in gold” and I never see words in color at any other time and I only see the
color gold … hmmm grace or science ???
Next “hearing
things” that others do not and knowing things others do not … with the hearing
I actually had my DNA tested to see if I had a gene for Misophonia
or Selective Sound Sensitivity Syndrome, I tested positive for this gene … yet
those who test positive for this gene usually hate sounds… the “hidden sounds I
have heard brought me joy, deep peaceful joy”… like the sound of the Virgin
Mary’s voice … it is beautiful and melodic in a tone and a pitch not heard on
earth. Her voice is like a tuning fork for happy!
So at the end of the day, I think I have grace, I think
everyone has grace, why am I able to roll with it like I do???? But I will keep
thinking about it …
