I have a fierce will and fierce personal energy even at an early age. When I was about 5 years old I
ran away from home, I just decided I needed to live somewhere else. I chose to go down one flight of stairs and live with the family on the second floor (we lived on the thrid floor) a family with 4 children.
I left behind my
“princess” life at home to live with them… My father was devastated he brought
me home, and I ran away again to the family who was poor. My father was now
crushed, saying I do not understand I give you everything, I love you totally
… He was in a state of confusion as what to do with me… He saw my will was so
strong that I would keep doing this, so a compromised was reached. I could go
to “visit the poor family” but could not live there.
My father started to give money to this
family since his daughter was there so much and my mother started to care for
them as well. This started a chain of events, I was not raised “religious” but
I lived in a home that became more and more giving to others …
When my mother died I was surprised at the number of people
who told me she gave them money or paid their rent, I never knew. My father
although was not “religious” told me “to keep the faith” for I was given an
abundant portion in life and to always “give to the needy not the greedy”…
My dad raised me in
“conflict” he had a heart for others, but raised me as if I was above them… I
somehow instinctively knew this was not true and I ran away… rebelled, which
eventually would bleed into most areas of my life… I have conflict now with the
church, “alleged mystic” knowing I am no different that others, should I stay silent, be
the “good girl” or do what I have to and speak of God and his unconditional
love that transcends rules, doctrines and regulations, I stand as living proof
of this. And my dad said "give to the needy and not to greedy"... I see greed in the hierarchy of the Church.
I see eerie similarities with the church and in my running
away at age 5 and throwing my father into such confusion as to what I was
doing and why … After all “you are a princess”… living in “circumstance above
poverty”… Yet I wondered as a child, why I had stuff and the poor did not ... just did not seem fair to me ... they were just like me... but no "stuff" like me... so I wanted to share with them ... and when I did, it made them happy ... I like seeing "happy and joy" on others ...
To address what has happened in my life over the last 32 years, God gave me through his grace “spiritual princess status” (for lack of better words)… allowing me touch his kingdom in a very profound way and to interact with him… As my father gave me gifts in the world, God the Father gave me gifts in the spiritual world.
To address what has happened in my life over the last 32 years, God gave me through his grace “spiritual princess status” (for lack of better words)… allowing me touch his kingdom in a very profound way and to interact with him… As my father gave me gifts in the world, God the Father gave me gifts in the spiritual world.
I now have a “Bishop” who did all he can do for me, as to
say okay “you are a “mystic”, just do not say this publicly hence the title,
“alleged mystic” a church princess on some level. Going even further by telling his friend an Archbishop about me and I receiving a letter from this Archbishop to go and speak
to others that he and the entire church prays for me… If the church be like “daddy
upon earth” I was now sitting in a position akin to the one I sat in with my
earthly father, when I was 5 … Years ago when my
sister-in-law read the letter from the Archbishop, she said in irony, I started out life as a daddy’s girl, now the church makes you one as well …
My father gave me everything, the church gave me Jesus Christ in the Eucharist and they were poised to help
me as well so what do I do, I pack a bag as I did at age 5 and move in with a
“poor family”…metaphorically speaking I now live on the internet and I see the "poor there"
I remember some of the things my dad said to me, I am
your father, this is your house, and you cannot be them or live with them (meaning the poor) so stop what you are
doing… I did not have sophisticated “word usage then”, so I said nothing to my father; I just
went back to the poor family the next day
I was given so much in grace by God, “too much” like my
toys as a child, I knew/ know I need to share with the poor again, and I remember
now, what I did as a 5 year old…
and how it hurt my father and how he became confused for I attacked him by my actions, I did not fully understand how it cut into my father as a child, I was just driven to do this. (be with the poor)
I know I would see that same pain in the eyes of many who helped me in the past in the Church, as if to say what is going on here, she is attacking us we were here to help her and now she rips into us, saying this is my family (the church) and still she rips into us…
Yes I do for I am driven as I was at age 5 ... to be with the poor... poor not only in money to whom I speak... but those who are poor in spirit ... those who are lost ... those who feel they do not belong for they have been rejected for so long by my Church who made them feel bad ... I cannot help it ... I have to be with them and tell them it is OK ... God 's love is with them everyday .. for the broken ... the abused ... the ones who were told to be silent .. I need to speak to them and tell them God hears them and loves them ....
and how it hurt my father and how he became confused for I attacked him by my actions, I did not fully understand how it cut into my father as a child, I was just driven to do this. (be with the poor)
I know I would see that same pain in the eyes of many who helped me in the past in the Church, as if to say what is going on here, she is attacking us we were here to help her and now she rips into us, saying this is my family (the church) and still she rips into us…
Yes I do for I am driven as I was at age 5 ... to be with the poor... poor not only in money to whom I speak... but those who are poor in spirit ... those who are lost ... those who feel they do not belong for they have been rejected for so long by my Church who made them feel bad ... I cannot help it ... I have to be with them and tell them it is OK ... God 's love is with them everyday .. for the broken ... the abused ... the ones who were told to be silent .. I need to speak to them and tell them God hears them and loves them ....
