1987 when mystical things really started to happen to me I
was a Catholic in name only… so my first response to this was not to run to
church or a priest but to think “wow that was weird” or “hey that was some kind
of freaky thing that just happened”… I thought more in the way of weird stuff
just happens once and a while, yet when it became these things became more and more frequent … I did
seek out spiritual advice but not in the Catholic Church
I turned to the Jewish faith not to convert but
since I was always attracted to this religion I sought out a Rabbi. I do not
know why I did this I just did. I would drive into New York City into the West
End where many of the Jewish bookstores are located and I sought out a Rabbi in
that area.
To my dismay I soon learned that I would be rejected by
them… first I was a “Gentile” … second I was a woman… the Orthodox Jew has
strong believes in who God would converse with or have encounters with (As do
we as Christians, which makes me think the Spirit blows where it may and we all
label to much)… the strict Jew believes this.
1) You
have to be a man
2) You
have to be at least 40 years old
3) You
have to be married
A side step here this reminds me a bit of Teresa of Avila
when she absolutes states that God will never approach a soul on a deep and
intimate level unless they are his “mystical spouse”, I disagree with her I
think God will approach a soul in any manner he seeks, God is not bound by “personal
opinion” on his actions; The Orthodox Jew and Teresa of Avila judge as to who
God can call and on what level … every
religion is in the market of telling God how and when he can contact a soul… I
tried to always remain neutral in this area … not my business what God does
with anyone... God is working with everyone’s soul … He knows what he is doing …
He is God … I am not …
I was none of the things that you have to be as an Orthodox Jew
to be highly graced and “hear from God”… Although rejected in the West End I
did find a Rabbi in Fair Lawn who had a strong working knowledge of mystics
(Jewish that is) … through him and in books I learned of the “River of grace”
and I also learned of the “gates” … I have never heard of the “gates” in
Christian mystical encounters maybe it is a matter of semantics but I really
believe in the “gates”… to make a very long story as short as I can the gates
are this….
When God is calling a
soul, it rises to him, it begins a journey towards him and as it is elevated it
passes through gates and at each gate there is an angel that will challenge the
soul as to what it is doing in this realm… The most difficult gates are the
first few especially the first one for this is a life changing moment for the
soul it is in realization of God, yet
self does not want to let go of control so there is a struggle between soul and
ego. Also at this gate demons will send false apparitions, spiritual
experiences to try and distract the soul and stop its journey towards God. I
was told by the Rabbi and I absolutely believe this as well, if you are truly
being called by God you are not the only one being called, a guide or guides
are being called to assist you in the journey for if you try to do this alone
you will fall and the demons will hurt you… (Guides are directors, spiritual directors,
priests, Rabbis, lay people who are well educated in mysticism and psychology) …
at this early stage it is critical for the “mystic” to seek help …
If you are having a
“real” spiritual experience you need to be with someone who knows about these
things or about God to help you to discern what truth is and what illusion is.
I believe God is calling all of us some more so and there
are many who are at this “first gate” and in their failure to get guidance or
direction are being misled by evil.
It is also my belief that Satan will and can give you 99 %
truth to snare you with 1 % evil deception.
The greatest evil (to me) is “private revelation” If the
recipient of said believes that it is greater than the Public Revelation of God
himself in the person of Jesus Christ.
Or if the recipient of
private revelation attempts to make it higher than Scripture to the public or their
“followers” and proclaim it over the revelation of Christ… They follow the
visionary/ mystic instead of the teachings of Christ. Not good only Jesus Christ saves …
Or if they hold the Virgin Mary higher than her Son, saying
such things as she has a plan… a peace plan…. No her Son was and is the plan of
salvation and it is He who is the Prince and giver of peace… The Virgin Mary
would never try to upstage her Son with a “plan of peace or salvation”, as a
Catholic if the “apparition, locution” is not pointing you to Jesus and his
plan given to St. Peter to the church… it is not of God. And this is coming
from me who is at total odds with the hierarchy of the church … the “message of
the church” as given to St. Peter by Christ is still the answer … the hierarchy
right now is just “off message” in a big way..
The demons of these first gates are masters at making false
signs and wonders, they are logical, even theological and can just make you
“feel good”… yet they cannot not maintain the illusion.
So once I learned a bit about the Jews and their thoughts on
mystical experiences, I eventually was “sent’ Fr. Martin, he taught me about
faith but he was not a fan of the anything that touched on demons… I learned
about these entities from Bishop Francisco Garmendia, auxiliary bishop in the
Bronx, he died in 2005. Bishop Garmendia was a good man, a good friend who
consecrated me the Virgin Mary and when I could I would just hang out with him
with my friend Gladys Dominguez. The Bishop would tell me stories of when he
did exorcisms.
Also I learned from the now deceased, Father Malachi Martin
about possessions and what he called “the perfectly possessed” these people
would even scare him.
Then there was Fr. O’Neil from NYC who worked with demonic possessions in the New York City who taught me about these things.
Then there was Fr. Glen from Illinois …
He taught me how to defend myself if the attack from evil
was manageable, if not he gave me blessed medals of St. Benedict to place in
every window of my home, and in my car.
Fr. Glen told me that evil feeds off negative
“energy/feelings” that if I find myself getting into that mind frame to sing or
play music especially Christmas carols or children’s songs for they will lift
the soul. Not to stay in the dark but to light a candle or turn on a light, to
use blessed salt in addition to blessed water, to burn blessed incense as well…
I was told never to engage a demon never to speak to them and never think that
I could get rid of one on my own. I must always defer to the Holy Spirit to St.
Michael and to Jesus himself and if things ever got out of hand to seek a
priest.
Demon activity I felt or witnessed
Then there was the small church in Bennington, Vermont that
had a problem with satanic cult activities in their building and on the altar itself
… I prayed there and the floor started to shake violently and move just in the area where
I was praying…
Then there was a time
a tree flew through the air and hit my car and smashed my front windshield.
There was a time claw prints appeared on my front door, high
on the door, way too high for an animal to reach as if some “thing” with freaky
claws was scratching to get in…
I cannot count the
times when someone has tried to run me off the road while driving.
I can “see darkness in a person via their eyes”… I do not
know how to say this any better... there have been times I have talked with
someone and when I give them direct eye contact their eyes changed … from being
peaceful to being threatening … I know this can happen if someone is mentally
ill … it is really eerie as if you are being challenged by evil …
There was a time I
was praying in Our Lady of Pompeii Church, in Paterson, when I left the pew I
was praying in the light overhead crashed to the seat I was sitting in, had I
not moved it would have hit me, and I would have been severely injured.
There was another
time I was in deep prayer and I had a vision of the gates of hell and I was
being “hit on the back” by something. The person who was with me at the time
said that red marks appeared on my back as if I was being whipped or scratched
by something unseen.
Someone tried to run me over with their car once in a
parking lot and some “unseen force” lifted me out of the way (and I mean lifted
me I was physical placed in another area… as if I somehow flew there … really weird)
There have been times a person will walk by me a complete stranger
and growl at me, a deep guttural sound... creepy
I was thrown through a plate glass window by an unseen force
once... these are just a few of the stories
… such things are just expected by me now it comes with the territory…
I choose not to think
about evil and I try to keep my soul in the state of joy as best I can… evil
does not like joy… inner joy that a soul has when they love God and trust him
..
People go and see
movies about possessions… and think it is funny so they will try to do what
they saw in the movie… it is so not funny!!! It is so dangerous to invite a
demonic entity into your life by toying with the supernatural.
It is also so
dangerous to think you are having spiritual experiences and not seek out help
from a highly spiritually experienced member of the church, who has deep faith,
Satan knows when a priest is weak in faith / and the nature world meaning a doctor / psychologist
…. Satan will use your ignorance/ arrogance against you and if you are to
prideful to take or seek out help, Satan will be allowed to do so… Satan can
mimic almost anything (remember how Pharaoh’s wizards mimicked the miracles of
Moses) … Satan knows how to “play the game” and other then God himself, Satan
knows the Bible and Scripture perfectly so he can talk a good game to lure the
soul.
I have been “cursed
as well” … by a Satanic coven in 1992 when I was praying with so many people and
telling them about the true presence (like a coven of witches that cursed Brett
M. Kavanaugh, during his confirmation hearings) I have also been
cursed by a man who is a Freemason … yep they are out there people who wish you
evil, death, pain and suffering and who have made packs with the devil … one
has to always remember evil (demons) are creatures … they are not the Creator,
hence they are subordinate … they are smarter than us they are more powerful than
us … yet still subordinate to God … your one and only defense is your
faith and you staying close to God… He
will protect you … precious blood of Jesus prayers are strong, think about the
passion of Christ, think about his 5 wounds on the Cross and always know he is
Truly Present in the Tabernacle (Eucharist)... go to Him there.
I am keenly aware of
this and know that evil will do its best to harm me or mislead me…
I have fallen many
times thinking something was from God and it turned out not to be… there are times
you cannot tell the difference, evil is
that good in deception. You need to
constantly pray to the Holy Spirit and ask him to help you discern. and as mentioned I have been
given “tools” to test the spirit but as soon as one starts to think they no
longer have to do this they will fall… we are no match for evil…you must stay
close to God, you must pray, you must fast … and you have to have laser focus
in faith .. the sacrament of the anointing of the sick is a powerful tool as well
I learned about “Black Masses”, (Satanic worshipers only imitate the Catholic Mass no other religion, this to me is statement of where the true faith is), they will imitate the Mass and attempt to get a consecrated host and discrete it at their ceremony. I learned about this first hand when people from Colorado (1992) came to Our Lady of Pompeii asking for prayer to have the strength to leave a Satanic Cult they were in, after meeting them and praying for them is when the light fell on the pew I was praying in…
I prayed many times
with people who you could feel the presence of evil around them and on a few
occasions when praying with them the rosary I was holding in my hand “exploded”
meaning that the beads just flew everywhere…I went through many rosaries this way ...
Evil is real and is constantly challenging the
human race… And it is allowed to test one’s faith and to keep the highly graced
soul humble to keep it in awareness that it is God not them through whom all graces
come.
I have been keeping diaries
and recordings of my “mystical experiences since 1987” … most are just journals
for me to see if I have advanced spiritual and to try to correct myself in any
weakness so I might advance …
The recording below
is spoken word taken from “part of a written diary I made” circa 1990 through
1993… hopefully you will get the jest of it …
Those years were “surreal
on many levels”… I speak about the priests, I knew … and of people who literally hounded me …
I will post more of
these types of recordings in the future …
God bless
you and go say hi to Jesus in the Tabernacle … that is and always will be why I
write and speak …. To point souls to Him Truly Present
mystics memoirs part 3-a tape
Photos above ...top Fr. Dante a dear friend. I would drive into NY, with him and Fr. Martin many times to attend a monthly priests' prayer group, where the priests prayed together, (we all would say the rosary together) the priests would say a Mass together and then we all would have lunch ... I also attended monthly First Friday Mass and first Saturday Mass with Fr. Dante at the Mother Cabrini Chapel ... Fr. Dante loved to sing ... he is standing with an order of nuns in the above photo they came to Our Lady of Pompeii in Paterson to see the Statue of Fatima ...
The second photo is of Fr. Dante co-celebrating a Mass with Fr. Martin at Our Lady of Pompeii Church in Paterson, NJ
Conchita the main visionary from Garabandal, was always in attendance with these monthly prayer meeting with the priests, I stopped going sometime in late 1993, I wanted more private time in prayer … nice woman Conchita very devoted to the Eucharist and to praying for priests …
And a follow up to my posting a few days ago … regards the “Cover
of the Rolling Stone”…wow … I just found this on the web … apparently the Church
really was in “The Rolling Stone Mag”… super … just what we need
